Inauguration Spells Alphabet Soup Disaster

By JULIETTE ROSSANT It's not much fun to be a chef or restaurateur in a city hosting a major political event. You remember the complaints during the Democratic and Republican national conventions in Boston and New York last year? Well, it's especially un-fun when that event is the most heavily secured US Presidential Inauguration in history. We've even got a new term for such happenings, courtesy of the new "USDHS" or US Department of Homeland Security: it's an "NSSE" or National Special Security Event. And here is how Washington plans for a potential NSSE (just click on the image and you'll be taken to a "USDOD" or US Department of Defense explanation): Caterers are facing a logistical nightmare, according to The Washington Times. Deliveries stop at 7:00 p.m. the night before, so refrigerators are at a premium for those who did not plan ahead. Dry ice is a hot item, too. Now, just imagine when the same major office building winds up hosting multiple parties with different caterers -- want to imagine what the loading dock will look like? Many of Washington's great restaurants, which were reviewed for this occasion by veteran restaurant critic Marian Burros in The New York Times, will also be booked up with "smaller" parties, so be sure to call ahead for reservations if you dare to go out tonight. To get an idea of the food you're missing, click here to see what the "JCCIC" or Joint Congressional Committee on Inaugural Ceremonies is offering -- they handle only the events on Capitol Hill, which includes the main event, the Inauguration. Then there is the "PIC" or Presidential Inaugural Committee which handles all other events (with donations running as high as $250,000 to defray expenses). Last comes the "JTF-AFIC" or Joint Task Force-Armed Forces Inaugural Committee, which supports inaugural events with musical units, marching bands, color guards, ushers, firing details and salute batteries. They also provide what the website describes as a "very limited amount of approved logistical support -- just a very little in 2005. And we need logistical support right now -- we are at an Elevated level of security right now, which looks like this on the USDHS Threat Advisory color board. Welcome to Washington, land of acronyms. It's in the very air of Washington: during the 2005 Presidential Inauguration, the air will become "ADIZ" or an Air Defense Identification Zone as well as "FRZ" or Flight Restricted Zone (click here to read more). Of course, it's a bit hard to imagine those acronyms mapped in mid-air, but at least we know on the ground where the cordon rouge lies. If you don't want to cater to the ruling party with their official parties, why not cater "off-Broadway"? The Washington Post found an Opportunity Inaugural Ball (OIB, "A Salute to America's Business Community"), the 2005 Unity Gala (05UG) by former U.S. congressman J.C. Watts, the All-Night Inaugural/Anti-Inaugural Unity Bash (ANI/AIUB), the American Indian Inaugural Ball (AIIB), the National Coalition for Technology in Education and Training Inaugural Ball (NCTETIB), the Ball After the Balls (BAB) by the Creative Coalition, and the Entertainment Inaugural Ball (EIB). Then there is the counterculture to consider. The Washington Post lists a number of counter-inauguration events, including: anti-war poetry, music by the Oxymorons, a performance by Billionaires for Bush (BFB), the Billionaires Inaugural Ball (BIB), Billionaires for Bush Auction (BBA, to help Social Security, Medicare and the military), "Inaugurate This!" by Bitch (of Bitch & Animal), and of course a punk rock show. Then again, the whole shabang may be a recipe for disaster, as would-be attackers commit murder by numbers -- just follow the maps -- take your pick: CBS affiliate WUSA Channel 9 TV, Washington Post street closures -- or how about just a lay-out of the Inauguration itself (just click on the map on the right to make it bigger)? People are already facing payment problems: according to The Washington Post, the may of DC (District of Columbia) has requested -- unsuccessfully so far -- to be reimbursed for $11.9 million in homeland security funds which is being gobbled up to pay for police and other services just on Inauguration Day, when, traditionally, the federal government has covered those costs. Complaints are indeed rising that this Inauguration is putting real distance between the President and the People, reports The Washington Post. The cheapest tickets to attend the parade are expensive at $40 -- going for $125 in the last 48 hours on eBay. According to Allan J. Lichtman, a presidential historian at American University, the People "aren't going to get within hailing distance of the parade. Bush is not out there among the people, he is in a cordon sanitaire of security." Without big bucks or an inside track with the Bush Administration, Lichtman says most people won't take part of this inauguration. So, Foodies, now you know: when you hear there's an NSSE coming, you'd better XYZ your shop PDQ. If anything, I recommend that the "little people" in Washington stay home and enjoy the show on "C-SPAN" or the Cable-Satellite Public Affairs Network. (And don't forget to check out the latest Jibjab cartoon, Second Term.) Previous articles: Wolfgang Puck Inaugurates Washington Tsunami Update 4: US Ex-Presidents Lead Funding Elections East 2: Washington Sports Night Elections West: First Drinks on Mary Sue & Susan Elections East: East-West Special Charlie Palmer Ties as Washington's No. 1 Steakhouse Todd English Flipflops Between Bush and Kerry? 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